Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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So many times in life we ponder the question of whether we should stay in a situation or head out. It could be a relationship, a friendship or a job. It could be a commitment to a cause or a committee. It could be an ongoing position of leadership or an expected attendance at a recurring event. So many of these things are a gift to have in life and can be embraced to the fullest, but sometimes, the time has come to enact a hard stop. This can be so hard as we may care very much about the person or the situation, but we have realized that we have to care about ourselves more. So, how do we do it?

First, sit down and really examine the positive and negative aspects of the situation. I like to do something my dad taught me long ago. Take a piece of paper and at the top make two columns, one for Pros and one for Cons. Under the pros category, write down every positive thing you can think of about staying in the commitment. Let yourself think deeply about it and give yourself the time it will take to do this. Do not rush!

Once you have listed the pros, then move to the cons column. Ask yourself what the negative aspects of this thing are. What does it take from you? How may it be hurting you or putting too much pressure on you?

After you have listed as many things in each column as you can, walk away from the piece of paper. Take an hour and do something else and shift your focus. Once you have had a reasonable amount of time away from it, sit back down with your list. Read over it thoughtfully, make notes or additions if you need to. Then, take your time and work through what you know in your heart is best for you with the evidence you have in front of you.

Once you have made your decision, give yourself 24 hours. If in those 24 hours you have second thoughts, go back to your pros/cons list and revisit how you came to your choice. If you have thought of new aspects then write them down. If nothing about your original list has changed, then your choice should remain the same. Then, and only then, it is time to act. Make your move, your phone call, or send that email and share that choice with the person or entity who needs to hear it. It may be hard and it may be emotional, but it will be done, and once it is done, there will be some level of relief and you can start thinking of what comes next.

Change is rarely easy. It can be uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing, and even heart breaking, but it is the only thing that is constant. The more malleable we make ourselves to move with it, the less we will suffer when these shifts need to happen. When you decide to make a big change in your life, it is nothing short of heroic. Nothing that is worth it will be easy, but the rewards of being brave are many. Not only do you gain more confidence in yourself and your ability to do what is right for yourself, but you are more apt to make needed changes even sooner the next time around. We all want to feel confident in our ability to take care of ourselves. We all want to be strong in our convictions and our boundaries. Making changes can be a big part of that.

So, what are you waiting for? As Kenny Rogers once said, “You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away and know when to run.”

If this topic feels familiar or relevant in your life, you don't have to face it alone. We're here to support you. We encourage you to reach out by phone, email, or through the contact form on this site.