Who am I ... Am I asking the wrong question?

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At 81 I look in the mirror and, after a year of some illnesses and a loss of twenty pounds everything about me looks different. It is not a bad thing, the difference, yet when I try to identify with the image in the mirror I see an image of a body I have yet to embrace. However, the person, the entity within the body is grateful as it knows that growth has occurred as the result of illness and the bodily changes are a minor expression of what has transpired within. 

You see, we have all been taught to look outside ourselves to discover and embrace who we are. Yet our mirrors are not always reflections in a glass frame. All too often they are reflections coming to us through our children, our parents, spouses, and significant others. These significant others can be our boss, co-workers, our check book, the neighborhood we live in, the degrees we have earned and yes, our weight, hair color, wrinkles or what we might consider our inability or ability to know how to dress well or not.

Some say they just don’t care what others think of them and become preoccupied with doing the exact opposite to prove who they are. Yet we are still outside of our inner being because that is what seems real to us. In most of our lives there comes a time, in fact many times, when we ask ourselves, “is this really me, am I capable of living up to the image I am projecting to others?” Or, we can go the other direction and look at what we are projecting, hate the image we are projecting, and yet, feel stuck in the scenario we created of ourselves.

All too often, we get caught in these cycles because we are asking the wrong question, and therefore looking in the wrong place for the answer. The question is not who am I, it is “what am I?” And, that question can only be answered by looking within to see what is truly there. If we shared a quarter of the energy we spent on labeling, comparing, and striving for all of the external validations, into quietly unearthing what we truly are, we would find that what we are, has no label to live up to; only feelings to embrace and enjoy. 

Yes, it would require practice and presence, yet the rewards out weigh the effort.  So, for the next 5 minutes, or when you have 5 minutes, let’s slow the world down. Take 4 deep breaths in, to the count of 5, hold it to the count of three, and blow it out in a deliberate fashion to the count of five attempting to be mindful of how your body is responding to your presence. This is the first step in discovering what we are; for as the old saying goes, “We are much more than the sum of our parts”. Upon completing the breathing wrap your arms around yourself. In the remaining time, breathe normally with a deep awareness of your arms wrapped around your body, your breathing and the stillness. Stay present, focused and if you wish journal about your experience.

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